Drumroll. This month’s theme is: TIME. You chose it through our IG poll and now we’re going to get down to the nitty-gritty of how to make MORE of it, how to make it stand STILL at times, and other times make it go FASTER. You ask the question and I’ll answer, Q&A style.

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I wanted more calm in my life, but I had always believed that when certain things happened there was a necessary and natural and UNAVOIDABLE feeling connected to it.

Like, when my baby cried of course that meant I SHOULD feel stressed because good moms feel what their baby is feeling, right? Or when my husband is feeling down then I should be down too in order to support him. Or when I feel anxious I should also feel bad about being anxious because what kind of a CEO or good mom feels anxious?!

I asked myself, what if there is no necessary and natural and unavoidable feeling? What if my emotions are ALWAYS a choice? What if most of the emotions I experience have just been happening unconsciously?

I questioned if feeling stressed was really helping my baby when she cried. Or if joining a friend in her bummer day wasn’t actually as compassionate as I thought. Or maybe setting a peaceful example for my children is more powerful than arguing with them about arguing? And what if I could actually feel calm about feeling anxious? Mind blown.

“Essentially, what if I could create calm no matter what the circumstance?”

Every time my brain wants to go to frustration or overwhelm or stress or sadness I ask myself if that feeling will serve me best in this situation. If it won’t, I do my best to reroute. Sometimes I truly want to feel sad, this isn’t about avoiding negative emotion, it’s about feeling on purpose and choosing emotions that create the results I truly want and the person I want to be.

You don’t need anybody to change to have more calm in your life and you don’t need to mirror anyone’s emotions to be a good mom or a friend or a good anything. Mirroring people’s emotions is not empathy. When I am calm I am so much better at being empathetic and showing up in a way that I am proud of and that helps other people.

I am to the moon excited to explore this more with you this month and have you noticed I started doing LIVE COACHING on IG Live? It’s vulnerable and uncomfortable and hilarious and transformative. Meet me on IG Live every Thursday this month at 9am PST.

+ Pick a calming mantra: Calm is always an option. Nothing has gone wrong here. I can be calm even when nothing else is. When your brain is tempted to go to an old knee-jerk feeling, think of your mantra.

+ Come to live coaching with me every Thursday at 9am pst on Instagram Live where I coach mothers on finding more calm.

+ Read one of these inspirational calming books.

+ Find more calm in your relationship with my favorite new podcast: Couples Coaching with Natalie Clay.

+ Take a walk every single day this week! I don’t care how cliche it is – it works!

I learned a new word. MATRESCENCE. It means the process of becoming a mother. For some reason it feels so validating to have a word for it. It’s that transition period nobody talks about between pregnancy and postpartum. Where I’d never felt so certain that I was in the right place at the right time and, yet, I wasn’t quite sure who “I” was anymore. With each birth, all four of them, I have felt the discomfort. The inadequacy as I learn how to care for another human & the newfound confidence as I somehow survive it all, some days even thriving / the confusion of what I should be doing hour by hour & the total clarity of my mission to care for this baby / the insecurity as I look at the extra skin and broken veins & the acceptance as I embrace being more than a body / the isolation as I hold a crying baby in the middle of the night & the sense of freedom as I realize how few things truly matter.

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Last month my mantra was to cut the junk in a serious way. We moved into a smaller home, cut our monthly expenses in half, donated half of our things, simplified our family calendar all the way down to our meals, and, more importantly, I’ve been “Marie Kondo’ing” my brain. I’ve been thinking about everything that fills my time, especially as a mother and business owner, that may have lost its intention. Things that have become habit that no longer serve me or my family or our community and even things I do simply out of good old-fashioned FOMO. I wonder how many things we could all stop doing that would actually add clarity and deeper meaning and impact to the things that we are doing?

It’s not about saying no or not trying new things, it’s about recognizing that every time we say no, we are saying yes to something else and vice versa. Saying no to soccer season this year may mean saying yes to family dinners two more nights of the week, saying no to scrolling Instagram may mean saying yes to reading that book you’ve been carrying around, saying no to that weekend trip you felt obligated to go but didn’t want to may mean giving yourself permission to rest and relax this weekend instead.

In my life, simplicity means less of the things that don’t truly add value to my life and more of the things that do. Here’s to a month of more with less!

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