Drumroll. This month’s theme is: TIME. You chose it through our IG poll and now we’re going to get down to the nitty-gritty of how to make MORE of it, how to make it stand STILL at times, and other times make it go FASTER. You ask the question and I’ll answer, Q&A style.

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I wanted more calm in my life, but I had always believed that when certain things happened there was a necessary and natural and UNAVOIDABLE feeling connected to it.

Like, when my baby cried of course that meant I SHOULD feel stressed because good moms feel what their baby is feeling, right? Or when my husband is feeling down then I should be down too in order to support him. Or when I feel anxious I should also feel bad about being anxious because what kind of a CEO or good mom feels anxious?!

I asked myself, what if there is no necessary and natural and unavoidable feeling? What if my emotions are ALWAYS a choice? What if most of the emotions I experience have just been happening unconsciously?

I questioned if feeling stressed was really helping my baby when she cried. Or if joining a friend in her bummer day wasn’t actually as compassionate as I thought. Or maybe setting a peaceful example for my children is more powerful than arguing with them about arguing? And what if I could actually feel calm about feeling anxious? Mind blown.

“Essentially, what if I could create calm no matter what the circumstance?”

Every time my brain wants to go to frustration or overwhelm or stress or sadness I ask myself if that feeling will serve me best in this situation. If it won’t, I do my best to reroute. Sometimes I truly want to feel sad, this isn’t about avoiding negative emotion, it’s about feeling on purpose and choosing emotions that create the results I truly want and the person I want to be.

You don’t need anybody to change to have more calm in your life and you don’t need to mirror anyone’s emotions to be a good mom or a friend or a good anything. Mirroring people’s emotions is not empathy. When I am calm I am so much better at being empathetic and showing up in a way that I am proud of and that helps other people.

I am to the moon excited to explore this more with you this month and have you noticed I started doing LIVE COACHING on IG Live? It’s vulnerable and uncomfortable and hilarious and transformative. Meet me on IG Live every Thursday this month at 9am PST.

+ Pick a calming mantra: Calm is always an option. Nothing has gone wrong here. I can be calm even when nothing else is. When your brain is tempted to go to an old knee-jerk feeling, think of your mantra.

+ Come to live coaching with me every Thursday at 9am pst on Instagram Live where I coach mothers on finding more calm.

+ Read one of these inspirational calming books.

+ Find more calm in your relationship with my favorite new podcast: Couples Coaching with Natalie Clay.

+ Take a walk every single day this week! I don’t care how cliche it is – it works!

I learned a new word. MATRESCENCE. It means the process of becoming a mother. For some reason it feels so validating to have a word for it. It’s that transition period nobody talks about between pregnancy and postpartum. Where I’d never felt so certain that I was in the right place at the right time and, yet, I wasn’t quite sure who “I” was anymore. With each birth, all four of them, I have felt the discomfort. The inadequacy as I learn how to care for another human & the newfound confidence as I somehow survive it all, some days even thriving / the confusion of what I should be doing hour by hour & the total clarity of my mission to care for this baby / the insecurity as I look at the extra skin and broken veins & the acceptance as I embrace being more than a body / the isolation as I hold a crying baby in the middle of the night & the sense of freedom as I realize how few things truly matter.

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