June: Calm

May 30, 2019

I wanted more calm in my life, but I had always believed that when certain things happened there was a necessary and natural and UNAVOIDABLE feeling connected to it.

Like, when my baby cried of course that meant I SHOULD feel stressed because good moms feel what their baby is feeling, right? Or when my husband is feeling down then I should be down too in order to support him. Or when I feel anxious I should also feel bad about being anxious because what kind of a CEO or good mom feels anxious?!

I asked myself, what if there is no necessary and natural and unavoidable feeling? What if my emotions are ALWAYS a choice? What if most of the emotions I experience have just been happening unconsciously?

I questioned if feeling stressed was really helping my baby when she cried. Or if joining a friend in her bummer day wasn’t actually as compassionate as I thought. Or maybe setting a peaceful example for my children is more powerful than arguing with them about arguing? And what if I could actually feel calm about feeling anxious? Mind blown.

“Essentially, what if I could create calm no matter what the circumstance?”

Every time my brain wants to go to frustration or overwhelm or stress or sadness I ask myself if that feeling will serve me best in this situation. If it won’t, I do my best to reroute. Sometimes I truly want to feel sad, this isn’t about avoiding negative emotion, it’s about feeling on purpose and choosing emotions that create the results I truly want and the person I want to be.

You don’t need anybody to change to have more calm in your life and you don’t need to mirror anyone’s emotions to be a good mom or a friend or a good anything. Mirroring people’s emotions is not empathy. When I am calm I am so much better at being empathetic and showing up in a way that I am proud of and that helps other people.

I am to the moon excited to explore this more with you this month and have you noticed I started doing LIVE COACHING on IG Live? It’s vulnerable and uncomfortable and hilarious and transformative. Meet me on IG Live every Thursday this month at 9am PST.

 


 

 


+ Pick a calming mantra: Calm is always an option. Nothing has gone wrong here. I can be calm even when nothing else is. When your brain is tempted to go to an old knee-jerk feeling, think of your mantra.

+ Come to live coaching with me every Thursday at 9am pst on Instagram Live where I coach mothers on finding more calm.

+ Read one of these inspirational calming books.

+ Find more calm in your relationship with my favorite new podcast: Couples Coaching with Natalie Clay.

+ Take a walk every single day this week! I don’t care how cliche it is – it works!

Comment ( 2 )

Tags : Book Club , Tips + Tricks , Home + Family , Wellness

May: Identity

May 3, 2019

I learned a new word. MATRESCENCE. It means the process of becoming a mother. For some reason it feels so validating to have a word for it. It’s that transition period nobody talks about between pregnancy and postpartum. Where I’d never felt so certain that I was in the right place at the right time and, yet, I wasn’t quite sure who “I” was anymore. With each birth, all four of them, I have felt the discomfort. The inadequacy as I learn how to care for another human & the newfound confidence as I somehow survive it all, some days even thriving / the confusion of what I should be doing hour by hour & the total clarity of my mission to care for this baby / the insecurity as I look at the extra skin and broken veins & the acceptance as I embrace being more than a body / the isolation as I hold a crying baby in the middle of the night & the sense of freedom as I realize how few things truly matter.

(more…)

Comment ( add )

Tags : Book Club , Tips + Tricks , Home + Family , Wellness

 

To read Ellie Coburn’s story is to witness limitless kindness and love (and to want to foster all the babies!). She is mama to three beautiful foster children ages 15 weeks, 16 months and nine, with an adoption underway and a revolving door for any new placements and circumstances. Reading about her foster care experience- what she calls her “heart calling”- is perfect evidence of the joy motherhood brings in any and every form.

(more…)

Comment ( add )

Tags : Baby , Home + Family

For November’s #motheryourself theme, I’m starting a new trend. It’s called “radical gratitude” (because doesn’t that sound like a perfectly obnoxious, new wave phrase?). It’s really just glass half-full kind of thinking. In any situation, but especially the hardest ones, the most stressful, the most annoying, the most heartbreaking, the most overwhelming, when my brain wants to complain and whine and give up, but instead of indulging in negative thoughts, I am going to think of something to be grateful for … to an almost ridiculous extent because WHY NOT? You may call it unicorns and rainbows delusions but I call it unicorns and rainbows are the FUTURE.
(more…)

Comment ( 1 )

Tags : Book Club , Tips + Tricks , Home + Family

Last month my mantra was to cut the junk in a serious way. We moved into a smaller home, cut our monthly expenses in half, donated half of our things, simplified our family calendar all the way down to our meals, and, more importantly, I’ve been “Marie Kondo’ing” my brain. I’ve been thinking about everything that fills my time, especially as a mother and business owner, that may have lost its intention. Things that have become habit that no longer serve me or my family or our community and even things I do simply out of good old-fashioned FOMO. I wonder how many things we could all stop doing that would actually add clarity and deeper meaning and impact to the things that we are doing?

It’s not about saying no or not trying new things, it’s about recognizing that every time we say no, we are saying yes to something else and vice versa. Saying no to soccer season this year may mean saying yes to family dinners two more nights of the week, saying no to scrolling Instagram may mean saying yes to reading that book you’ve been carrying around, saying no to that weekend trip you felt obligated to go but didn’t want to may mean giving yourself permission to rest and relax this weekend instead.

In my life, simplicity means less of the things that don’t truly add value to my life and more of the things that do. Here’s to a month of more with less!

 

(more…)

Comment ( 2 )

Tags : Book Club , Tips + Tricks , Home + Family , Wellness

Postpartum is an easy time to feel like you need more to be the mom you want to be. More sleep, more help, more diapers, more energy, more food, more time, more caffeine, more skills, more gear, more clean laundry, more patience, more milk, more showers – more everything!

The world around you might be saying more but we’re telling you something else: you are already everything they need.

Exhausted-loving-impatient-beautiful-frustrated-caring-happy-depressed-hot mess-whatever else – YOU. You are exactly the mother your baby needs. No matter how your little ones come into your life, they were meant to be yours and you were meant to be theirs. They are going to learn from your imperfections just as you are going to learn from theirs.

 

(more…)

Comment ( add )

Tags : Tips + Tricks , Home + Family , Wellness

 

 

Dear mamas thinking about a second baby or already expecting #2 (or #3 or #4 or #5…) or in the early days and months of being mama to two babes, this is for you. If your worry and anticipation and new brutiful (brutal + beautiful) emotions are a little less about what to pack in the hospital bag and much more about how your first born will possibly be okay during your hospital nights away or your hours of newborn feeds or your heart suddenly loving double or more, you’re not alone. As a mama to four, I hope these tips ease that transition.


1) Let your older child(ren) feel what they need to feel. It’s not our job to fix their feelings, but just hold the space for them to feel. I promise as you don’t fight or try to fix it, they’ll be able to process those emotions faster and move into a much more peaceful place as you make that transition. And don’t forgot to be kind to yourself because it can definitely be challenging!

2) Prepare for a range of toddler emotions. Older sister/brother may be mad at you or the baby or everyone and regress in some way. It can be a tricky connection to make when the emotions surface after the novelty of their new baby has worn off a little bit, but listening, understanding, and giving them new opportunities to grow and help with baby goes a long way.

3) Emphasize their new, exciting role as big sister or brother. Our family loves reading the book I’m a Big Sister or I’m a Big Brother during the pregnancy and first couple of months postpartum to help them understand the changes coming and that your love as a mama will only grow for them.

4) Spend one-on-one time with your older child(ren). Making 10 minutes (minimum) of child-directed time while baby is sleeping in the wrap or in the crib or with your partner will really fill their buckets and helps them feel secure and loved and needed as part of the family.

Comment ( 2 )

Tags : Tips + Tricks , Baby , Home + Family



With how transient most families are these days, finding a community as a mother is more important than ever. What’s been especially helpful for me is to think about community in three categories: one, my lifelong girlfriends from all different stages of life, two, my local, neighborhood community, and three, my online community that is brought together by common interests or life experience.

The lifelong friends are so important because they keep me in check, I can talk about the deep stuff and the little stuff and we don’t have to have the logistics of life get in the way.

My local community makes life happen. The carpools, meals when you have a new baby, park days, and the life experience of all different kinds of people that may live around you. It’s so important in the development of children and actually gives us as adults a huge sense of belonging as well, whether we recognize that or not.

The last category of community, the online community, can be the most enriching for what can be a sometimes isolating experience as a mom. When blogs were really in the spotlight ten years ago when I had my first, it was like a whole new world opened up to me. Solly Baby never would have happened had I not felt the energy behind the internet.

Now that we have so many platforms for connection for moms, it can sometimes feel overwhelming. As an entrepreneur, I am especially grateful for more segmented groups (heymama is my favorite!) that can really help me feel connected with other moms in the creative and business space. Especially since, with four kids, I don’t go out as much as I used to.”
(more…)

Comment ( add )

Tags : Home + Family