Knowing what to say when a mama has suffered a loss can feel so tricky that we sometimes end up saying nothing at all. But showing our support means everything, so we asked mamas who have been in the trenches to share what was most comforting or helpful for them on their journeys. Here’s a solid resource to turn to next time you need some inspiration or guidance. (And seriously how sweet is that husband? 😭) Feel free to add additional ideas in the comments, too. 

 


 

“When I go, I’ll watch over baby until you can. I’ll make sure your baby knows how loved they are”. When [my grandmother] passed it made me feel a little more at peace knowing she was going to meet the baby we never got to hold. @ashleynicolemiller_

I always found words were so awkward to respond to…I never knew what to say back, so I liked it when people would just give me a hug. @thelittlest3

 

A woman who struggled for many years to become a mother…told me throughout my journey and when the pain becomes unbearable, to remember to be a mother to myself. @robinalaina

 

Saying his name. People think that if they mention your child, they will remind you of the loss. But what they don’t understand is that your child is ALWAYS on your mind. You could never remind me, because he is never forgotten. Saying his name shows me that others remember him, too. @alyssa_carper

 

Just say something. Don’t stay quiet for fear of saying the wrong thing, just acknowledge the loss and show your support. @melliewoods

 My friends purchased a plant (rather than sending flowers). It now lives happily in my backyard and is a way for me to remember. @sam.delves

 

It gave us comfort and encouragement when others opened up and shared their journey. We appreciated those that listened and did not try to justify or explain our loss…and hugs were so very comforting! @corarattle

 

 A friend remembered our due date and sent me a card around that time. @hjaderogers

 

One of my dear friends said to me: “My heart aches with you.” She met me where I was at without diminishing or dismissing how I was feeling. @jgunk87

 

It was easier when people would say, “I am dropping off dinner this day or this day” instead of asking, “What do you need?” @Hannahllyn

 

Honestly for me, I just wanted to know other people were sad with me. I didn’t need any words of encouragement, I just didn’t want to be sad alone. @sarahpowerscyr

Validation meant everything to me. I didn’t like having to pretend it didn’t happen or pretend that I was over it. Simply talking to me openly about it and acknowledging what I went through helped immensely. @ivyelkington

 

When someone reached out to say: “how can I support you right now?” We all deal with it / grieve in different ways, so your needs for the same situation look different than mine. Just that question alone is what stood out most for me and then feeling comfortable to express what I needed. @Twinkleandtoast

 

Talk about it! So many people would just avoid talking about it in thinking I wouldn’t want to. The last thing I wanted to do was just go on like it never happened. It’s all I could think about. @Tayleraperez

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October 16th 2020

We just had a loss. The best thing I’ve done for myself is seek some grief therapy to help me process all the thoughts and feelings. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when the feelings are too big to handle on your own. We all grieve differently and different things help different people. Reaching out to an unbiased third party to help with the process of grieving and learning how to assimilate the grief into our new existence has been immensely helpful.

October 16th 2020

Thank you for a very good morning cry!! It was a 6 Kleenex one!!
My husband and I recently we met up with a small group of friends which we have known for years. We “visited” our dear friends tragic loss. It’s been over 25 years. The mom (who is a grandmother of 4!) was able to finally say what she could and couldn’t do for years… it was so healing, you could sense her strength and resolve. It was beautiful. Having all the husbands present.. listening… added another layer to an intimate celebration of friendship through thick and thin!